Inhuman (and other tales through time)
by Meer-Katnip
Summary: Nobody expected Thomas Schofield to become a famous author. Possibly the person most surprised by it was Schofield himself.


**Author's Note:** Massive spoilers for Hex's eventual fate in _Signs and Wonders,_ as well as mild spoilers for pretty much all of the audios he features in from _The Reaping_ to _A Death In The Family_ (including _The Veiled Leopard_ ).) Also, there's a reference to the summary of the as-yet unreleased audio 'You Are The Doctor (and other stories)'- I'm not sure if canon will mess this story up or not. Ah well.

AND YES THAT'S TOTALLY FLIP'S NIECE. IT PROBABLY ISN'T CANON BUT I SO DON'T CARE.

I don't own any franchises or websites or anything else recognizable. You're welcome.

* * *

"What're you writing?" Sally asked, placing her hands on Hex's shoulders, and leaning forwards to see his laptop screen. He had got through fifteen pages so far, and the cursor was blinking after the word 'screamed'.

"Just a story," he shrugged, grinning. "A silly idea I had."

She pulled over the computer, and read the latest paragraph, slowly beginning to smile. "Oh, you _didn't_."

He tugged back the computer. "Well, it's not as if they're going to be around to object, right? And I figured- I might as well do something with the memories."

"I love it," Sally said, sitting down and slipping an arm around her husband. "You're a good writer."

He frowned at the screen, and flexed his fingers in the air. "I've got writer's block," he confessed. "I keep trying to make the events different to how they actually happened, but-"

"Don't," Sally advised. "Write it exactly like it was when you were there."

Hex shrugged, narrowing his eyes. "Okay, I think I can do this."

Sally patted him on the back. "Good luck."

"Bring me a drink later?"

"Always."

* * *

 **Klara Oswin's Book Review Blog- 'Inhuman' by Thomas Schofield**

Schofield is a new writer to the world young adult fiction, but the release of his first book shows that he's clearly no amateur at the writing business. _Inhuman_ is clever and adventurous, with engaging characters and a subtext that says a lot about our world as we know it.

The main character, Hex, is easily connected to- and it's lovely to have a somewhat reluctant protagonist, albeit one who had already established his catchphrase after five chapters- a rallying cry of "oh my god!" The other main characters- a mysterious man who is only known as 'The Professor' and his feisty sidekick, Ace- are equally intriguing and interesting, and their mode of transport is as well. The idea of a red phone booth being bigger on the inside is genius, and you just have to wonder where Schofield gets his ideas from.

The story (without spoiling the plot too heavily) is at first based in and around St Gart's Hospital- a real location that the author himself worked in at one point. The main character is an ordinary nurse, until a girl who only goes by the name of 'McShane' begins work there. From there, Hex is drawn into a world of aliens and conspiracies that eventually cumulates into a battle for the safety of the Earth.

 _Inhuman_ is a witty and exciting read that will drag you along with its story and keep you captivated until the very last page. It's intended for readers in their teenage years, but is of the same nature of _Harry Potter-_ it's an equally brilliant read for adults as well.

* * *

"Tommy!" called Sally. "You've got a book review!"

Hex stumbled into the room, with little Cassie riding on his back, giggling. "I have? What's it say?"

Sally held up the magazine to the light and squinted. "Let's see… 'witty and exciting'… 'intriguing and interesting'… and apparently the idea of using a 'red phone box' is 'genius'." She lowered the magazine, grinning. "And you said it was a silly idea."

"Did you hear that, Cassie?" he asked the little girl on his back, bouncing her up. "Daddy's published his first book, and the reviews aren't bad."

She giggled, her blond hair falling over her eyes. "Aren't bad!"

Sally scooped Cassie up, and weighed her thoughtfully in her arms. "You know, you should write a sequel."

"A sequel?" Hex frowned. "I don't know… it might be too much."

"Oh, come on!" Sally said animatedly. "Just consider this… just a few months after the incident at the hospital, Hex thinks his life has returned back to normal."

Hex caught on. "But little does he know…" he continued.

"…that the Professor and Ace need his help again!"

"They pick him up in their time and space machine!"

"And travel off to…" Sally trailed off, looking inquisitively at her husband. "To where?"

Hex thought back for a moment, and then slowly began to smile.

* * *

 **Post by Tumblr user ohmygodmcshane:**

Guys! Have you heard the news? _THOMAS SCHOFIELD IS PUBLISHING A NEW BOOK!_ _ **AND IT'S A SEQUEL!**_

 **Tumblr user fight-the-homestuck said:**

oh my god are you serious this is the best news since we hit the fifth season of Sherlock

 **Tumblr user ohmygodmcshane said:**

I am 100% serious :) apparently it's about the Dreamtime and Australian stuff

 **Tumblr user spoopyskaryskeleton said:**

And Ace is in it? And the Professor? Oh my goodness my precious babies best day of my life thank you!

 **Tumblr user ohmygodmcshane said:**

No probs! :D

* * *

 _"The outback's alive?" Hex asked, his eyes nearly popping out of his head. Ace gave him a good-natured shove with her elbow._

 _"Of course it is," she grinned with that particular smile of hers that made Hex feel like, one again, like the inexperienced little newbie on their team. "Would you expect anything less with the Professor here?"_

 _"Ace," said the Professor disapprovingly, but he didn't have a disapproving expression on his face, which was probably due to the fact that she was right. He seemed to be a trouble magnet- first men made of metal lurking at St. Gart's Hospital, and now this!_

 _"So why are we here?" Hex wondered, looking around at the bleak streets._

 _"It's the Dream Commandos," the Professor told him. "They need help, and I am quite possibly the only one that can give it to them."_

~Extract from Chapter Three of 'Living Myth' by Thomas Schofield

* * *

"Let me guess," moaned Hex as Sally entered the room. "You want me to write another book?"

"You know me so well," she said, shaking her head ruefully, and rubbing her swollen, six-months pregnant tummy. "The publishers loved the last one, although it was a bit controversial."

"The Doctor told me once that you couldn't change minds without a little bit of controversy," Hex said.

She tilted her head at him. "That's what you're doing? Changing minds?"

"Making the world a better place," he said. "All right. Fine. I'll write another book. But this is the last one, okay?"

* * *

 **Publisher's Summary for "Secrets and Lies" by Thomas Schofield**

It's the ninth month of the thirty-second year on Colony Thirty-Four, and trouble is brewing. There's explosions all over town, bodies in the wreckage, and people are disappearing. But there's nothing to worry about, because the government has it all under control.

Don't they?

The Professor, Ace, and Hex are most definitely _not_ visiting Colony Thirty-Four. That's rather a pity, because they're quite certainly the only people who can help the situation- spiralling rapidly out of control. But they're nowhere to be found- unless, of course, they were hiding in plain sight. But that's completely ridiculous.

Isn't it?

And, of course, if there's no possible way that anything wrong or just plain evil is going on, and that no time and space travellers are visiting the Colony- then there's no need for panic or alarm. Especially not if people are being tortured- because that would never happen on the Colony.

Wouldn't it?

Of course it wouldn't. After all, that's what the radio broadcasts say. And you _do_ trust what the government is telling you.

Don't you?

 _A brand new political thriller by Thomas Schofield, author of_ Inhuman _and_ Living Myth.

* * *

 **Klara Oswin's Book Review Blog- "Secrets and Lies" by Thomas Schofield**

If Schofield's last book was 'slightly controversial', then this one really takes the concept of 'controversy' and turns it into something entirely new- which is only to be expected when one writes a political novel. Despite critics clamouring to insult him- "it's clearly a badly-timed attack on the state of the country"- _Secrets and Lies_ is a very well done novel.

It's remarkably darker than the previous two, with themes of torture and violence being discussed quite casually, but it's played off well. The three main characters that readers know and love so well are thrust into a situation that requires all of their skills. The Professor must have his wits about him and be able to manipulate his way out of sticky situations, Ace must be able to blow things up (which is a remarkable ability for a girl her age!) and Hex must use his medical skills to the best of his ability.

Knowing this, it's surprising, really, that Ace and Hex don't turn up until almost halfway through the book- and when they do, it's quite a shock. I won't spoil it for you- because it really must be read to be believed. The climactic scene is emotional and dramatic, and really wrenches at your heart. Reading it, it almost seems like the author himself was there to experience the events as they happened.

Thomas Schofield has gained quite the fanbase with his works, a fanbase that I'm all too proud to join. We're all waiting eagerly for his next novel, and I'm sure that when it comes, it will be _spectacular._

* * *

"They want me to write _another_ one?" Hex said, half-horrified, half-amused. "Aren't three books enough?"

"Apparently not," Sally replied with a wry smile. She was now acting as his publicity advisor, as well as a part-time editor and caterer. "I wonder how they'd react if they knew."

"Knew what? That I'm an ex-traveller in time and space that's not so much making these stories up as remembering what happened and filling in the blanks?" Hex rolled his eyes. "I don't think they'd believe me anyway."

Sally sat down carefully on a plush armchair next to her husband. "Okay, since you're doing these in chronological order so far… what's next?"

Hex looked at her fondly. "You should probably be in hospital right now, you know."

"I'm fine," she dismissed. "The baby's not due for another month, at the very least."

"So long as you're sure," he said, squeezing her arm. "Well, if we're skipping over some of the things that happened in-between… I was planning on writing about that creepy house on the island that we went to that one time."

"Tell me about it, then," Sally suggested, knowing full well that Hex wrote better when he bounced ideas off her first.

"Okay," agreed Hex, settling back. "It all started when I had a nightmare, which was a bit weird, even on the TARDIS…"

* * *

 **Klara Oswin's Book Review Blog- "Night Melody" by Thomas Schofield**

 _The night was dark, and the field beyond was covered in rustling grass- filling every gap and completely obscuring any hope of seeing the bear traps that were inevitably hidden beneath. Hex was just about to uncharacteristically give up all hope of ever finding Ace, and possibly head back to find the Professor, when he heard her call._

 _"Hex!"_

 _He spun around, but it was too dark to see her. "Ace? Don't move! There's bear traps-"_

 _"Keep calling, Hex!" she yelled, perhaps too far away from him to make out any of his actual words. "I think I can find you if you just-"_

 _"Ace, stop!" he cried, just about to descend into full-out panic._

 _"I think I can see you!" she yelled triumphantly, and he took a moment to appreciate all of her headstrong attitude that really wasn't at all helpful right now-_

 _And then there was an echoing SNAP and a scream that seemed to echo around the whole island-_

 _And then there was silence._

This was one of the scenes that really, _really_ scared me from this book. Stuffed bears suddenly and mysteriously coming to life? Fine- cool, even. A creepy figure in an anorak haunting the only manor in the island? Didn't bother me in the least. But it's the very adult fear of being caught in a bear trap that horrified me. Imagine being trapped there- endless pain, your life draining out from your leg- and nothing you can do about it. Thankfully, Ace manages to survive this brief encounter with death- which is good, considering how popular she's becoming with everyone.

Schofield recently celebrated the birth of his second daughter- Dorothy- which may contribute to a lot of the scenes in the book where the three main characters act as each other's surrogate family. For example, the light-hearted teasing that goes on when Hex is frightened in the basement is actually rather sweet. The Professor also shows a more caring side that he hasn't had a chance to bring out before.

* * *

Hex forestalled Sally's question with a raised hand. "Before you ask, _yes,_ I'm writing another book."

She smiled. "Knew it."

* * *

"Hey, Professor, check this out!"

"What is it, Ace?" the Doctor asked, crossing the street to where she was standing at a second-hand book stall, leafing through a tattered old paperback. She handed it to him, beaming.

"Looks like Hex's turned into an intergalactic plagiarist."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow, and turned to the front cover. " _All the King's Men,_ by Thomas Schofield."

"It's good stuff," said Ace enthusiastically, and then grinned. "Although it seems to bear a certain resemblance to that time he spent in the company of Oliver Cromwell…"

"What?" The Doctor turned to a random page, and skimmed it. "-he wrote about himself? And you?"

"And someone else, as well," Ace said. "His name's 'the Professor', and he seems to travel through time and space in a red phone box-"

For a moment, the Doctor seemed to be torn between laughing and screaming. "Hm," he decided on eventually. "Well, at least he's keeping busy…"

* * *

 **Klara Oswin's Book Review Blog:**

Over the last couple of years, Thomas Schofield has continued to release his bestselling books- ranging from historical adventures (such as _The Hate Room-_ set in World War One) to hilarious comedies- like _The Janus Conspiracy,_ in which Ace and Hex must prevent a theft engineered by the Professor himself- and even perhaps his oddest book yet- _The Shining Wife_ \- in which his characters are caught up in a bizarre plot in which they all are nearly forced into marriage with each other. The books, as well as gathering quite the fan following, have brought up questions and addressed issues that most writers would be afraid to venture into.

Next month, his fifteenth book will be released- 'A Death in the Family'- which promises to wrap up several of the plot threads from the last few novels. Who are the mysterious Forge? Why didn't the Professor tell Hex about his mother until it was too late? And what's so special about the number 45?

Thomas Schofield will be signing copies of _A Death in the Family_ at the White Rabbit Bookstore on the day of its release.

* * *

"I love your books," a small blonde girl with a _Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition_ T-shirt gushed. "My favorite's definitely _Forgotten Symphony_ \- I really love music too."

"That business on Nocturne?" Hex smiled, pulling her copy of his book over the table to him. "That was a lot of fun. When I wasn't getting captured and accused of murder, that is."

The girl's eyes nearly popped out of her head. "Y-you mean you were actually there? They aren't just stories?"

"Every word of it is true," he assured her. She couldn't have been older than ten, and besides, it was a running joke that he'd claim that the 'fictional' accounts in his books were real. It made Sally laugh when he told her about it. "My name used to be Hex, you know."

She glared suspiciously at him. "You're lying, aren't you? All adults lie about things like that- and they think it's _funny!_ "

"Cross my heart," Hex grinned. "What's your name?"

"Phillipa," she said. "But everyone calls me Flip. It's my aunt's name, too."

 _For Flip,_ he wrote in the front cover. _Adventure is always where you least expect it- keep looking! Hex_

"Thanks," she beamed, taking the book and hugging it to her chest. "You're really cool."

Hex waved goodbye as she skipped off into the crowd, and watched her go for a moment.

"Do you charge for signings?" asked a cheerful female voice. "Or is there a discount for old friends?"

He glanced up sharply at that voice- so _familiar-_ and was met with identical grins from the two people he had least expected to show up.

"Bloody hell!" he yelled, torn between shock and delight.

The Doctor pursed his lips, which were twitching with amusement. "And here I was, thinking you'd be glad to see us."

"We saw your books," Ace said, eyes dancing with mischief. "and we decided we'd come meet the author. We _are_ the main characters, yeah?"

"Er," said Hex, looking at them both, marvelling at the fact that they were actually _there._ "Yeah, you are. Sorry about that- I thought you wouldn't mind-"

"We don't," Ace assured him.

"All of the best authors have done it," the Doctor commented. "I believe Miss Rowling spent most of her school years at a school of witchcraft and wizardry-"

" _What?_ " asked Hex, just as Ace slipped around the table and hugged him tightly.

"God, Hex, I've missed you…"

He decided to let the matter drop- it was practically impossible to tell if the Doctor was telling the truth or not when he got like this.

"How long has it been for you two, then?" he asked instead, directing the question at the Doctor, who had picked up a copy of _A Death in the Family_ and was reading through it at a speed that most people would find impossible.

"Nearly six months," he replied. "Give or take."

"We were going to come here _ages_ ago, but the TARDIS got a bit sidetracked," Ace explained. "You know how she gets. Next thing we knew, we were at the Grand Betelgeuse Hotel, and there was a robbery- but that's a bit of a long story."

"It usually is," Hex replied, and the three of them shared a knowing smile.

"How's the missus?" Ace asked.

"At home, taking care of the kids," Hex said, and then beamed. "Actually, I have two daughters now. One's six and the other's two."

"Congrats!" exclaimed Ace. "Hey, how do you feel about a quick spin in time and space?"

Hex glanced at the Doctor, who gave him a half-shrug. "Well…"

"You'll be back five minutes after you left," she said.

Hex considered. "Well… I _am_ running out of story ideas…"

"That's the spirit," the Doctor said, and motioned with his umbrella towards the door.

* * *

 **Klara Oswin's Book Review Blog:**

At Thomas Schofield's recent book signing, he was reported to have left for about half an hour towards the end with two people dressed in very convincing and well-planned cosplays of the Professor and Ace. His arrival and departure was apparently heralded by a wheezing, groaning sound similar to his description of the red phone box's time travel capabilities, and was speculated to be a promotion for his new book.

For some strange reason, when he re-entered the White Rabbit Bookstore, he was wearing different clothes covered with a thin layer of white dust, and he refused to say where he had been, although he was grinning madly about whatever had happened.

What a strange man he is. But quite a genius in his own right- his characters leap off the page almost as if they had a life of themselves.

* * *

 **The End**


End file.
